Card Trick
by Dragonessa Smith
Summary: Old habits die hard...Snape, Black, Lupin, Flitwick and Lockhart playing cards on Saturday night...
1. Black Jack

Card Tricks   
  
A/N: Alternate universe kinda, cause it's possible, yet I doubt it's ever gonna happen. All pre-book five, of course...  
  
Credit goes out to Strega Brava. Read her stuff after this, some of the best writing on ff.net. This whole story came out of a line in 'I Never Forget A Face', where Snape is meeting with a Canadian official and thinks something along the lines of: "Hope he doesn't ask me to do card tricks or something."

  
  
"Okay, everyone have their cards? Julius?"  
  
"Hit me."  
  
"Ten."  
  
"Twenty four, I'm bust." Flitwick tossed his cards into the center of the table.  
  
"Remus?"  
  
"I think you're stacking the deck." Remus muttered. "Hit me."  
  
"Ace."  
  
"I'll stand."  
  
"Lockhart?"   
  
Gilderoy looked around before realizing he was being talked to. The memory charms hadn't exactly worn off yet.   
  
"Uh, hit me."   
  
"Ten."  
  
"Go fish."  
  
"No, you say...oh, just take a card, Sevvie. Humor him."  
  
"If you call me Sevvie again, I'll humor you right into the hospital wing."  
  
"Yeah right. Your arm is as weak as your deodorant."  
  
"Or that punch line."  
  
"Stop the kibitzing and let's go. Sirius, you're up."  
  
"Go fish." He smirked at Snape.  
  
"So funny, I forgot to laugh." He sneered, discreetly handing Sirius two cards.   
  
"Hey, who's the chick-a-dee-don't?" Remus asked, changing the subject and pointing to a picture on Snape's dresser.  
  
"You all remember Karissa Konstantine, right? She's-"  
  
"Man, that's Karissa? What happened to all these hot girls we used to know? They grew up and got ugly."  
  
"Why do you have a picture of Karissa Konstantine in your chambers, Sevvie? You used to have a crush on her or something?"  
  
Severus glanced at Sirius before answering Remus. "She's my cousin."  
  
"Oh, now that I look more closely..."  
  
"She's not that bad...  
  
"Oh, get over yourselves, she's a crone, even I admit it." Severus crunched on a couple of chips before continuing. "You're right, Black, pretty much every girl we used to know is now hideous."  
  
"There's got to be someone who still looks good," Remus grabbed the bowl from Snape, spilling a little. "I mean, there were so many pretty girls...Sirius and James dated most of them."  
  
"Yeah, remember Helena 'Hoochie' Hooch?" Sirius grinned, leaning back. "Long blonde hair, legs till next week, figure that wouldn't quit? She had such a thing for me back in the day."  
  
"Hooch?" Snape looked up from shuffling. "She's the flying instructor now."  
  
"Serious? No pun intended."  
  
"None taken." He quipped dryly. "I'll bet if you ask Hermione, she'll set you up. Her and Hooch have become good friends ever since she started taking extra flying lessons. Honestly, the girl can beat down a bushel of Bogarts, but she can't sit upright on a broom."  
  
"There is more to life than flying, Severus." Remus started. "I see Hermione doing great things in the future, winning many awards and accolades-"  
  
"But how's she going to get to the ceremony if she can't fly?" Flitwick cried.   
  
"Yes, is she going to carry all her awards for 'Best Enchantment' on the subway?"  
  
"Or maybe some kind-hearted person she knows will graciously volunteer to give her rides everywhere..." Flitwick grinned at Remus.  
  
"If you ask nicely, I'll set you up..." Sirius snickered as Remus went red.   
  
"Please. The only thing tackier than dating a former student is, well, dating a current student. But anyway, Hermione's probably got dozens of suitors, she's beautiful!"  
  
"Someone's got a cru-ush..." Severus sang under his breath.  
  
"Ha. Funny. We all get to pick on the sad old man, now let's actually play some blackjack, okay?"  
  
"Fine, fine-Hey! How did I end up with forty-five?" 


	2. Poker

A/N: Another night, another game...  
  
"I'm telling you, there's no way someone's going to be that stupid."  
  
"Well, don't believe me then, but let's try it!"  
  
"Sirius, I'm never going to be on a game show with you. Ever."  
  
"Who's going to be on a game show?"  
  
"You guys have no trust in me! I'm telling you, I saw the guy with my own eyes!"  
  
"Where was he?"  
  
"Well, he was being released from Azkaban right when I got there, but I swear it was him!"  
  
"So, the only proof you have is an eyewitness account-from you-from a time when you were deemed 'mentally unstable.'?"  
  
"Well, you say it that way, of course it sounds bad..."  
  
"Anything sounds bad coming out of Severus' mouth."  
  
"Watch it, Julius, or the next time you drink pumpkin juice we'll all find out if you really think of McGonagall as 'just a friend and colleague.' Come to think of it, Black could use some too-"  
  
Sirius jumped up. "Are you sir, calling me a liar?"  
  
"No, I'm calling you stupid, Sirius!"  
  
They both jumped up, fists clenched. Sirius and Severus looked like they were about to come to blows when Remus cleared his throat.  
  
"Ahem. Why were we talking about this again?"  
  
They all looked at each other, confused.  
  
Sirius plopped himself down in his seat. "...So. New subject: Hooch won't leave me alone, and I blame you, Remus. Just so you know."  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"Your girlfriend set us up, without telling me that she'd also turned into a crone!"  
  
"One, Hermione's not my girlfriend. And two, it was your idea, remember?"  
  
"Three, Hooch isn't that bad looking..." Lockhart muttered, but no one paid attention to him anymore.  
  
"You should know better than to listen to me by now!" Sirius slammed his fist on the table. "And you two should at least try going out. I think you'd be perfect for each other. All smart and bookish and all. Who cares about the age difference? So you're like, thirty years older than her. So what? Age doesn't matter unless you're a cheese."  
  
"Or a wine." Severus added.  
  
"Do you have any cheese? Or wine? Hell, have any beer?"  
  
"This is a school, Sirius."  
  
"Meaning..."  
  
"Meaning I have to hide it well, but it's still here. Hold on."  
  
Severus got up and turned his back to dig in his dresser. Sirius quietly picked up his cards, glanced at them, and passed them to Remus, who passed them Julius. They were almost back to their original spot until Julius passed them to Lockhart, who cried out brightly "Four tens, I win!"  
  
"You cheating bastards!" 


End file.
